The Revolution of the "In-Between"

Why moving abroad (and moving through life) feels so uncomfortable, and why that’s okay

As an expat, life often feels like one long state of transition. We leave one home behind, but the new one hasn't quite 'clicked' yet.  In my practice, I see how many of us struggle with being a work in progress. If you're feeling the weight of the 'in-between' right now, this is for you.

The Pressure to be a Finished Product

When you are living abroad, a quiet, familiar shame can easily settle in during the still moments of the week. It is the voice that whispers:

"You should have it all figured out by now."

Many of us struggle with the "in-between", that uncomfortable, liminal space between the person we were and the person we are becoming. We rush, we worry, eternally apologising for “being in the process", for “still figuring it all out”, as if life and growth have a strict deadline.

But the truth is, so much of life happens in this “in between”, in the process of becoming, in the messy middle of figuring it out.

Image: Digital Artwork by Dr Eleftheria Koutsonika

Embracing the Liminal Space

Modern life focuses on “arrivals”: a completed degree, a new job in a new country, a marriage, a house, all finished versions of ourselves and our lives. We’ve become so accustomed to sharing only the “before” and “after”, surgically removing the space where transformation actually happens. Hiding from others and often even from ourselves, the messy, uncertain and chaotic middle.

But life frequently asks us to embrace liminality, the uncomfortable middle space between what was and what will be. I wonder how it would feel if we stopped resisting and embraced the uncertainty? What if we cherished the beauty of transition, and fully surrendered to these “in-betweens”?

Choosing to embrace the messy middle is a revolution against a world that rushes through transition and change. A daily practice of showing up without a guaranteed next step, a rigid timeline or a perfect roadmap for life. It is a collection of awkward attempts, messy starts that nourish patience, perhaps false steps that provide lessons, and the kind of wandering that changes us.

Lessons from Cavafy’s Poem "Ithaka"

When the fear of being “behind” is loud, I often turn to Cavafy’s poem Ithaka as a solace for the soul. I have found that it transforms the fear into a quiet realisation that the wandering is life’s goal itself.

Ithaka, by C.P. Cavafy As you set out for Ithaka hope your road is a long one, full of adventure, full of discovery. Laistrygonians, Cyclops, angry Poseidon—don’t be afraid of them: you’ll never find things like that on your way as long as you keep your thoughts raised high, as long as a rare excitement stirs your spirit and your body. Laistrygonians, Cyclops, wild Poseidon—you won’t encounter them unless you bring them along inside your soul, unless your soul sets them up in front of you. Hope your road is a long one. May there be many summer mornings when, with what pleasure, what joy you enter harbors you’re seeing for the first time; may you stop at Phoenician trading stations to buy fine things, mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony, sensual perfume of every kind— as many sensual perfumes as you can; and may you visit many Egyptian cities to learn and go on learning from their scholars. Keep Ithaka always in your mind. Arriving there is what you’re destined for. But don’t hurry the journey at all. Better if it lasts for years, so you’re old by the time you reach the island, wealthy with all you’ve gained on the way, not expecting Ithaka to make you rich. Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey. Without her you wouldn't have set out. She has nothing left to give you now. And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you. Wise as you will have become, so full of experience, you’ll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.

Source: C.P. Cavafy: Collected Poems (Princeton University Press, 1975)

The Wealth of the Journey: Beyond the Destination

Perhaps there is a profound need to accept the slow journey and cherish all the experiences gathered along the way. And while arriving in our own “Ithaka” may not fulfil all we yearned for at the start, we must remember that it gave us the inspiration to begin and the strength to continue moving forward.

After all, true growth happens in the journey, in the space between being and becoming.

Therapeutic Support at Eria Therapy

If you are navigating your own "Ithaka" and the journey feels a little too heavy to carry, please know that you don't have to do this alone. As an expat myself, I understand the unique weight of building a life abroad from scratch. My practice provides a dedicated, warm space for expats and internationals to explore their journey abroad, process the "in-between," and find their footing again.

Contact Eria Therapy to book your first session or to schedule a free initial call to see if this is the right space for you.